Emotions are meant to be embraced and felt to understand the depths of it. Emotions have a wide array of features, they induce the mind with feelings that can be positively exciting and negatively taxing. Emotions are a part and parcel of our daily lives and it can be very difficult at times to detach from them. They ensure and are a broad indicator of the fact that we are humans and not mechanized robots.

   In times of depravity, darkness and full of sadness; emotions are what that keep us alive and kicking. Emotions vary from person to person, some believe     in showing them outright and others shun from revealing them, a typical human trait. Emotions can be taxing for a human mind, but at the very same time it can be a stress reliever too! At times we hear people saying that those who embrace emotions are nothing but fools. Are we supposedly going to take other people’s views and judgements into account and does it even count? The majority including me, take the judgement of others as a benchmark and give it a lot of significance. Are we in any way, liable to explain the reasons for our emotions and feelings to others, are we being influenced by their take on us? Is it worth our while, to think and stress ourselves over our emotions, where we went wrong etc.

    There is a considerable debate over whether emotions should be controlled in ‘certain’ circumstances or situations or whether should we exercising more restraint in showing them. Does practicality suffice more over emotions when making critical decisions? Should emotions only drive our entire lives? It is a very difficult notion to apprehend about because it entirely depends on each individual’s nature and the circumstances and position they are in and emotions differ at every stage of life. A critical decision made purely based on emotions does backfire mostly, and alternatively a more pragmatic and practical approach would be more suited to the current scenario and eventually prevail.

    Emotions can make us weak and more prone to being misused and end up being disappointed. Emotions can never be measured or benchmarked and its calculated use is nigh impossible. Emotions should never be suppressed entirely, it cannot be sub-planted with something different because it is a part and parcel of human nature. Emotions in relationships can be challenging, whether it is with friends, siblings or cousins. Managing emotions is an uphill task and something which is difficult to control at times. Emotions have their peaks and troughs, they have to be counterbalanced with reality and a more practical approach towards dealing with certain situations. Circumstances can drive our emotions and influence the way we act, behave and conduct ourselves. To sum it up, emotions are a necessity; period!

Tolerance resides within us, we do not tend to give it the significance it is worthy of in our daily lives. Seldom do we realize; that tolerance is virtue and we blindly refuse to follow and infuse it within ourselves. In this day and age, where our tolerance levels have alarmingly reached to almost non-existent levels; even preaching tolerance is denounced. I ask why? What are the reasons for not practicing tolerance? Does tolerance cost us money; is it detrimental to our health? Is being tolerant a cause of embarrassment? Intolerance is what hinders our society as a whole; and stops us from progressing further as a nation.

          I have always wondered and felt despondent over the fact that why tolerance is being sidelined by all of us and in its place we practice aggression and a policy of complete ignorance on this matter. Is tolerance that difficult to practice that we are not realizing the long term damage that we are doing on ourselves as a society. Peace and harmony are giving way to aggression and violence and repression of individuals; hatred is rising and societal upheaval is increasing. An act of tolerance employed at a critical stage can be the difference between peace and violence. I personally feel that preaching and practicing tolerance in our society is equitable to being classified as a hypocrite and a person who does not have the guts to stand up for what he/ she feels is right. As it can be seen from the traffic on the roads here in Lahore; nobody is willing to tolerate and withstand the wait on traffic lights and motorcyclists especially right, left and center are waving around trying to move as quickly as possible and make their way to their desired destination. People on cars are honking like anything to make the traffic move in peak hours and are not tolerant of the fact that million others like them in the city are as keen to reach their homes too. Waiting is something that our society as a whole refuses to practice and that is a result of a lack of patience and tolerance for others that gives rise to this problem.

           Now coming to tolerance on Social Media and the consequences and backlash that we can face. Normally I tend to keep a minimalistic and a very neutral view point on social media and in most cases tend to mind my own business and practice a decent amount of tolerance. Surprisingly my tolerant stance on politics and my refusal to speak up has been a cause of immense displeasure for other people who I follow and they follow me. In a personal context, I feel certain subjects are taboo and so sensitive to speak up about that a single statement of mine which may be right in a certain context but can cause a flurry of adverse comments and counter-arguments that why did you say that etc. I personally do not care what people think of me and why should I be satisfying them in the first place. If I prefer discretion and keeping tolerant views on certain subjects it is MY CHOICE, as simple as that. I do not expect others to follow my views and embrace them wholeheartedly.

             Everyone has a right to disagree with me endorsing tolerance on a large scale, but yes everything has its limitations and same is the case with tolerance. If the limitations of tolerance are breached by somebody; you are within your right to say I have had enough of your crap and speak up and tell the person to please keep their trap shut before they face undue consequences. Breaching of limitations applies in every sphere of life and tolerance is no different. Striking a balance in regards to tolerance may be quite difficult but as humans we can always strive to practice it as much as we can. Heeding to the call of tolerance will not cost us anything and probably in the longer run can help us maintain our peace of mind!

The narrative of this short write up is to discuss the abundance of negativity that we surround ourselves with and in the process tend to move so deep into it that our stubbornness becomes embedded within it. Ruthlessness has no excuse and frustrations increase with the passage of time. A lot of blame for that lies with us and we lack a potential framework to mitigate all these self doubts that plague our minds. The biggest gripe that I have had with myself over the years is the perception that the whole damn world is against me and nobody understands me and my feelings and I indulge deliberately in casting light on myself as a martyr. 

         The reasons for these aspersions with many of us are our negative thoughts that cloud our judgment and hamper our ability to think and reason logically. The first step towards removing these gripes is a pronounced approach towards tackling these issues with an iron fist and developing a stringent methodology to help us overcome it. Thinking alone is a massive brain drainer in itself and is the root cause for my performance to go from midyoker to very poor. Our overall frame of mind dwelves into harbouring negative thoughts and ignore the good things that life has gifted us with. We deliberately do not want to see the positive side of things, because that would give us an opportunity to see life in its truest form.. Nothing is more apocryphal than the presence of self doubt in our minds which creates such an imploding situation that there is a high probability that we ourselves light that match to take ourselves to self destruction. Who needs enemies when we are the one hell bent upon destroying ourselves!!

           Self doubt is one of the gravest dangers that a human mind can harbour and it consumes us from within. When you embrace self doubt as a system of mass exodus in your mind and soul, you tend to go into a limbo and all thoughts that you nurture are negatively oriented and self delusional. This extends to us hallucinating and imagining things and considering the whole of humanity is plotting something or the other against us. Presuming of all things leads us to damaging our self in the immediate aftermath of this but what we do not tend to realize is in the context of our overall relationships with our family and friends which suffers as an outcome. The best explanation of this ruthless virulent is the large scale damage it renders as a result. We are ourselves as an outcome of our own ridiculous perceptions and negativity, tend to enforce our destructive policies on the relationships that matter most to us and torture them and blackmail them purposely to extract maximum gains for ourselves. Self doubt and negativity actually makes us more selfish and more prone to making decisions which only benefit us and greed kicks in as an aftermath of it.

               Nothing is more injurious to our self prestige than doubting ourselves. It adds no value to our lives and neither does it give us any benefits. Self doubt and negativity only adds more fuel to the fire and prolongs our agony and keeps us away from the reality and beauties of life. 

I still remember the day when I visited a women prison in interior Sindh and met a young lady who was in her twenties. The girl had wheatish complexion, twinkling big eyes, soft voice but she was looking lost in her thoughts and she was wandering here and there. By looks, she had an innocent face with the hope of justice in her eyes. My astonishment was at peak when I saw her toddler (baby girl) in her lap who was crying and irritating her mother. I think, the toddler was not happy with the prison environment and she could smell the pungent fragrance of punishment being the baby of a prisoner. Suddenly, so many questions popped up in my mind related to this lady i.e. why the lady is here? what is her crime? Is she guilty or innocent? What would have been the circumstances which forced her to commit crime? Amidst of so many queries, I decided to talk to her regarding her life and her miseries.

When I started to talk to her I observed that apparently, she was friendly to her acquaintances but she had hidden so many sorrows in her heart. As soon as I asked her reason of being here in this prison, her emotions exploded, her eyes filled-in with tears as she was waiting for someone to ask about her sufferings. Upon asking further, she said that she is being held under trial for the murder of the Wadera. Basically, she got a divorce from her husband after 2 years of marriage during her pregnancy. Soon after her divorce, she was kidnapped by the feudal lord, who had kept his evil eyes on her since childhood. The feudal lord illegally kept the lady in his custody for about 6 months and as per the lady, she delivered a baby girl during this time period. In the mentioned time period, feudal lord abused her sexually and physically. When the lady’s cousin came to know about the whole scenario, they murdered the Feudal Lord for his evil deeds. The lady with his cousins were arrested by the police and since then, they were waiting for justice to be done.

The whole story indicates the existent shortcomings of our society, discrimination that is usually faced by innocent people at the hands of our so-called feudal lords who have the ability to twist and abuse women sexually to satisfy their evil desires. It is a pity that no law is in place to arrest these animals who hound innocent young village women to fulfill their lust and traumatize them.

The lady under trial, what was her crime? Nobody, even spared a thought for the fact that what must be she going through and what effect the sexual abuse must have had on her mind! And instead of being the perpetrated she is being accused of being the perpetrator!! What a mockery of justice is this and I can only laugh at the authorities who have held her under arrest and jailed her for the murder of the Feudal Lord!!!

The Feudal Lord, who had held this poor woman for months and sexually abused her to the whim to satisfy his lust, doesn’t it count as a crime? The poor lady was repeatedly abused sexually and physically for a couple of months but instead of being a case of Gender based violence, it had been converted into a HOMICIDE. The investigating authorities, the police and various other departments must have been involved in the cover up of this heinous act and must have taken indulgences from the Feudal Lord’s family due to their significant influence.

Nobody gave a thought that why the family of the accused never filed an F.I.R to the Police after her disappearance? I personally believe that the family must have received immense threats from the Landlord and were told to face dire consequences if any move was made to report it to the relevant authorities. This highlights the fact that in villages or rural areas alike there is no proper mechanism to

report these abuses and that’s why the ratio of reported cases is extra-ordinarily low. These cases either don’t get enough coverage or are kept under wraps for the sheer impact it will have on the woman and may end up tarnishing her image. As it is known, our society looks upon these women as a source of contempt or something that is trash.

This polluted mindset shows how narrow minded our people are or have become and I have read about cases where even the families of those women abused refused to support  and look at them with a source of contempt!!! What is her fault if she had been sexually abused and assaulted and picked up and locked in a cellar for 6 months for example? The sexually abused women who expect to be supported by their own kin in the most dire of moments and when they leave them high and dry what effect would it have on her and what thoughts would be crossing her mind? She would be in a state of duress and this could force her to commit suicide because she would be getting a feeling of being unwanted and a burden on society and when in such a traumatic state after having suffered so much abuse her ability to think clearly and reason would have left her. At this critical stage, support from the family and friends has great significance and although the scars left behind and the mental aspect can never be fully healed. For her, the mind would cast back to the hideous episodes she encountered of being abused and the pain she suffered and those sporadic thoughts would always convolute her mind and especially while sleeping she would get nightmares and get up and so much more which even I have no idea how to describe.

The woman abused by the Feudal Lord must be hiding her true pain from others and whisking away those nightmares that have made her life miserable and she must also be thinking about her only child that she has left behind and is being deprived of motherly affection and care. The detrimental thought process of the poor woman must be taken into consideration, and she should be; on pure humanitarian grounds allowed to meet her daughter every day for a few hours so the toddler gets the love she deserves. This step could be a cornerstone in helping the poor woman forget her sorrows and divert her attention to giving her daughter the motherly affection she must have long sought to give and in the process help her bring closer to her daughter she had been separated from for 6 months.

The role of the media also needs due consideration and has an important role to play in such sensitive cases. Mostly, these television channels remain oblivious to these issues because of their sensitivity and refuse to be drawn into such a case which could override the norms of society and which would preferably be kept under wraps so it does not receive undue attention and may engulf a flame of a lot of other cases to come into the limelight which have been hidden for years. Normally the media highlights every issue and sensationalizes it for their own TRP ratings and to gain millions of viewers at the detriment of questionable practices being used and no ethics being followed. The critical evaluation comes why aren’t these issues raised on the media and why are they still considered a taboo in this world of technology and fast communication? If awareness is not increased how will thousands of women take the courage to take actions against those perpetrators who have been responsible for ruining their lives and are still moving around scot free? Is there any guarantee that those perpetrators which amount in the thousands too, will not commit these heinous acts of sexual abuse with other innocent women? They are like animals who are hunting for their prey and when they attack they take

their spoil and leave a desirable impact on the perpetrated and the poor woman is left with horrors and nightmares to fill her nights while trying to sleep!!!

The role of civil society can have a great impact on how these cases of sexual abuse are reported and how their support can help in raising more awareness among the masses. Cases like these; regardless of happening in urban areas or rural areas, need to be highlighted at any cost and not to gain attention but to fight for the cause of all those innocent women who are being preyed upon and then mercilessly sexually abused. It is the duty of civil society to report these cases if it comes to their attention that someone nearby has been victim of sexual abuse and as a responsible citizen and lastly as a human being bring it to attention of the concerned authorities that this horrible incident has taken place. I personally feel that the government has to form a forum or a separate department which specializes only in cases of sexual abuse and also it should form a vigilante department which operates 24/7, 365 days a year. And hotlines should be setup, so over the phone complaints can be registered quickly and appropriate action taken before any untoward incident takes place. Also, this department can be a great source of collecting information from various people who suspect some individuals are involved in these heinous crimes or are partners in crime and these proclaimed offenders can be kept under strict vigilance and their activities monitored so the pattern of their habits is deduced and cases such as these can be prevented from happening at all.

But then the question would arise, how we setup such a department in a distant rural village such as the one involved in this case. I personally feel it is feasible due to the reason that the penetration of cellphones has reached the villages and a mobile signal is available in most places and this department has great chances of thriving there but for that I would like to mention a few points about the part NGO’s can play here.

I am considering NGO’s here in a rural perspective purely so I am neglecting the impact they have on urban areas in cases of sexual abuse and vice versa. NGO’s if in collaboration with the government or local district officers if they cooperate, they can be a source of great ability to train the local populace in the ways on how to report these kind of cases and also raise awareness among them about it. By raising awareness and making them realize that they are also putting women of other families in jeopardy by not reporting these individuals who have already sexually harassed and abused the woman of their family and giving the perpetrator full license to whatever they want devoid of any firm hand of the law capable of taking them down.

But the training and awareness aspect for NGO’s, will be a daunting task because of the reason these Rural villages follow their own rules and customs and seldom welcome outsiders in such kind of cases and are not receptive to change. The key aspect is; their mindsets are so deeply rooted in their own customs that they are averse to any kind of positive change and stick to what they have lived with for a hundred of years. It is not impossible nothing is personally but it is something that will take years to change not in days or months.